I’ve unpacked a little of my journey of growing up in churchy spaces (of various denominations). So, if you’re familiar with the Faith & Spirituality category of this page, you’ve seen my more formal processing around the topic. I’ve also written quite a few serious posts about natural hair care. (I passed out about 5 times when I got a feature on Curly Nikki!)
But, to be clear… this post ain’t that!
This is sheerly shenanigans and peak cultural churchiness. My hope is that you get a few good cackle-laughs, though I have not comprehensively covered all of the “dangers, toils, and snares” that naturalistas face.
Wash Day Supplications
“We come to You, knee bowed, body bent, hair tangled and / or stretched… asking You to bless this wash day. Let the soap lather appropriately. Let not mine eyes experience the troubles of shampoo burning them. Strengthen my arms, even now, so that I can lather on and see what the end gone be. Let the conditioning and sealing of my hair ‘be acceptable in Thy sight’ 1. The strands that Thou has wrought together, no breakage shall tear asunder. It is so”.
Prayer for a Set Style:
To the One Who Watches Over All Late Night Perm Rod Sets,
It’s been years since we’ve connected. However, I’m hoping you remember the true-to-the-gameness that I once possessed. You saw me through many sets before the natural hair vlogging craze and even before there was a Youtube. Should I have waited until dark o clock in the morning to embark on such a venture? No. But as I sleep, let this 3b-3c-4a blend curl reach its maximum potential to Slay. Thank you for the naturalistas across the world. To you belongs the fleekness, both now and forevermore. A-yaaaaahs”.
“Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord, my bonnet on to keep. And if it falls before I wake, I pray the Lord my rod set takes. Amen”
Declaration for the Restoration of Edges:
“God is a God of restoration. They that have laid their edges down by the riverside (or gotten them snatched) shall recover them one hundred fold. Every lace front, braid extension, too-tight ponytail, trace of chlorine, winter dryness, wool hat, etc. that has tried to come against thine edges will not be able to prosper! It is so”.
Photo Credit: J.O., Group Chat Shenanigans
Psalms, Hymns, and Shenanigan Songs
“Blessed be the gel that binds / Our coifs in peak Coif form”2
“I come into Target alone / While the sales are still on the rows… es”. (Walgreens and Target = natural hair product central for me)3
“I stretch these braids to Thee / Protective style, I know / If it withdraws mine edges from me / Ah! How then shall they grow?!” 4
Length Check Thanksgiving:
“In this time, in this space, in this moment, we pause to say Thank You. In this year alone, I have given a good measure to Carol’s Daughter, Miss Jessie, and Kinky Curly products. Now, my hair is ‘pressed down, shaken together, and running over’ 5. We just want to say Thank You”.
A Note on the Practice of Anointing With Oil:
Readers, do you think there is any way we could start requesting that ministers anoint with coconut oil? Do they understand how healing that oil is for your skin, your hair, your entire life? Because this would basically be me… at altar call… once I stop fellowshipping at Bedside Baptist and 11-o-clock Brunch Ministries on Sunday mornings:
Found this deep in the InstaGram archives. Readers PLEASE tell me who the prophetic person is that initially made this piece! Also, shout out to Trader Joe’s for having the $5.99 jars of Coconut Oil.
This list is nowhere near exhaustive, but I have actual life-things to do. So, perhaps there will be a part two because… options: Prayers for Lost Bobby Pins, Loc Maintenance, Praise for Protective Styles, etc. For now, I would love to hear your natural hair care prayers! Leave them in the comments below!
Photo Credit: CreateHerStock.com, Additional quotes and materials are hyper-linked